The Sheffield Scenester

WARNING: through no fault of the writer this article will contain sexual references - so will readers of a more delicate nature please return to the homepage!

Having never heard of these guys, I was persuaded to see them by a mate of mine based on the fact that tickets were only £13.50 each. After queuing for an hour in the rain we were finally let in and so despite being wet through we found a spot near the sound booth. With pint in hand we wondered when the support band would start, up until now the entertainment consisted of someone putting on a Brighton Beach tape (which is always a good collection - but as this became more metal orientated the crowd - they were getting restless for a live band). They even began singing along to some of the songs being pumped through the sound system, the highlight of which was easily ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, as we had a good laugh when they re-enacted the Wayne’s World head banging bit!

Finally the stage lights blacked out and a voice announced The Sirens – at this point it has to be noted that having MySpaced them I was expecting a Californian all girl punk band, what I actually witnessed was something altogether different! Beginning with three girls marching out in some kind of majorette outfit...it was pretty clear they were not here to play instruments as they suggestively danced about with each other...culminating in a bit of girl on girl kissing. They jaunted off only to return one at a time as they each did a single dance to their chosen rock track, judging by the amount of mobiles and cameras held aloft clicking away or filming these antics, the third girl was by far the most popular. With Bon Jovi’s ‘Bad Medicine’ blaring out she cavorted around the stage and ended up running around with nothing but panties, a smile, one flailing Union Jack and a couple of strategically placed bits of tape. Safe to say the male contingent of the crowd were thinking “Best support act EVER!”

Moving on, it was time for Steel Panther – for those unfamiliar with their brand of metal I can sum it up pretty easily, think of the glam metal of the eighties i.e.; Motley Crue, Twisted Sister and Kiss, then put Roy Chubby Brown lyrics to it all. Sounds pretty immature I know...but having listened to it for over a month now it does grow on you and the humour involved works a treat. They began their set in fantastic style with about their only sexual reference free song, ‘Eyes Of A Panther’ much to the cheers of the crowd; it was a great way to start their set. Having knocked that out they paused to introduce themselves, part of their act seems to involve a lot of banter consisting of three topics; Firstly making fun of each other - be it the bassist’s hair, the singer’s age or the guitarist’s name (they’d call him Snapple instead of Satchel), secondly several references to doing blow or getting high, then lastly saying numerous sexual references to who (in the audience) they were going to f**k later. Even though it’s all self parody and obviously pre-staged it comes across as pretty hilarious all the same despite its Americanized delivery.

But on with the music, they can play and play pretty well...so on those merits alone it was a good night out, but when combined with perpetual hardcore sexual references it just adds to the entertainment. With only one album to their name they just ploughed through it happily enough and with all the banter, the set was stretched out to well over an hour. The crowd went wild for ‘The Shocker’, a song about some deviant sexual practice to which Satchel had his own interpretation involving a semi conscious girl and urine! When they did the song ‘Asian Hooker’ The Sirens came back on stage causing a near riot but they kept their clothes on this time round, still with even more suggestive cavorting, it did enhance my favourite track off the album.
At one point they stopped the show for lead singer Michael to say “We haven’t seen any titties yet, does any girl wanna come on stage and show us their titties?” Let me tell you there was no shortage of volunteers as they dragged four girls up, and sure enough the whole crowd got an eyeful as one by one they went topless. This was a queue for the song ‘Community Property’, a bit of a slow one (by their standards!), so each girl stopped on stage and had a smooch with Michael before he asked them to make out with each other – and of course they obliged! The last song of the set was the classic album opener ‘Death To All but Metal’ an anthem to all things metal, listing, as it does, the music industries royalty and what the band would like to do to them – the Madonna reference is particularly hilarious!

When it came to the encore having virtually done their entire album we were treated to cover versions, so with Michael donning a huge black top hat they belted out the Guns ‘n’ Roses classic ‘Mr Brownstone’ which sounded pretty good I have to admit. Even fellow band members Lexi Foxx (bass) and Snapple, I mean Satchel (guitar) commented on the quality of his rendition. To follow this we had Iron Maiden’s ‘Run To The Hills’ to which Michael threw the mic into the crowd and let someone sing for a bit. He did this a couple of times until one kid got his attention enough to be dragged up on stage to sing the entire song. Now what was amazing about this was that the kid was pretty bloody good, he didn’t stand there with his thumb up his arse mumbling away, he took the whole stage over, I swear he thought he really was Bruce Dickinson for a night. The final song of the night was an old Def Leppard classic ‘Photograph’, rather appropriate considering they were playing in their hometown.

So there you have it, a night of metal, exotic dancers and relentless sexual references, could there have been a better place to be in Sheffield that night, I doubt it! A note to all red blooded males – next time buy a ticket, even if you don’t like heavy metal you will enjoy this show!!

Words/Photos Geoff Buckthorpe